Couple Fights: 5 Healthier Ways To Argue With Your Partner

Arguments are a normal part of every relationship, whether you are a young couple or a couple who has been together for decades. Yet, how you engage in arguments with one another, including the type of language you use and the emotions you display or hold back, can have significant consequences for the health of your relationship, as well as your own wellbeing. Ultimately, the key is to find ways to engage in arguments which are healthy, constructive and lead to a more positive relationship and outcome. Here are 5 ways to have a healthy, positive argument.

  1. Address The Argument Calmly

A 20-year-long study from the University of California, Berkeley, suggested that couples who argued in a more moderate and calm manner were less likely to go on to develop health problems. By contrast individuals to expressed a lot of anger had an increased likelihood of developing heart problems, whilst those who held their emotions back were more likely to develop back and muscle problems.

Instead, successful couples acknowledge and confront arguments head on. Rather than suppressing their emotions or allowing the issue to become more significant, they address it and talk about it honestly, acknowledging their feelings. Talking calmly and slowly are also good techniques for creating a more positive atmosphere. Equally important is remembering to consider your tone, as well as your choice of words. 

  1. Listen 

In an argument it’s easy to get caught up on your own viewpoint and forget to take the time to really listen to what your partner is saying. However frustrating an argument might be, make sure that you really listen to what the other person has to say. 

“Avoid talking over each other or interrupting the other person as this will make them feel as though their point of view and feelings aren’t important,” says Jim Tansey, a content writer at Researchpapersuk and Writinity. “Instead, take it in turns to talk and listen carefully to what is being said. It can also be helpful to repeat what you heard back to your partner, so that you can both make sure you are on the same page and both truly understand what is being said.”

  1. Avoid Name Calling

When couples engage in contemptuous behavior, such as name calling, making demeaning comments, personal attacks or even eye-rolling and tutting, it can cause an argument to quickly escalate. Such tactics are not only a low blow, but they can have long-term effects that become corrosive to your relationship over time, so avoid using abusive or insulting language at all costs.

  1. Know When To Take A Break

Successful couples know when they have reached their limit or when an argument is threatening to get out of hand. Rather than carrying on, these couples are able to take a break. This might involve agreeing to pause the argument and revisiting it another day when you’ve both had some time to reflect. Alternatively, it might simply mean counting to ten or engaging in some breathing exercises to help you regain control of your emotions.

  1. Remember You’re A Team

In the study above, researchers found that couples’ ability to engage in “emotion regulation”, or the ability to cool down after experiencing strong, negative emotions, was extremely important in predicting marital satisfaction. Similarly, couples in healthy relationships are able to offer each other the benefit of the doubt, whilst remembering that whatever their disagreement, they are on the same team.

“Happy, healthy relationships are the ones where no matter the arguments, you can both come together and find a way forward. When both parties can acknowledge that the long-term value of their relationship is bigger and more important than a single argument, they can find compromise and a resolution more easily,” says Janet Bennett, a lifestyle blogger at Draft beyond and Last minute writing.


Learning how to argue in a positive and healthy way is an important skill. Not only does it have health benefits, but it also shows that you have respect and love for yourself and your partner. It’s never too late to start changing your behavior. Acknowledge errors and mistakes you may have made in past arguments and choose to change your behavior in future. The result will be a healthier, more positive and satisfying relationship.

Elizabeth S. Kinder is a successful and experienced content writer and blogger at Business assignments and Gum essays, where her main aims are to provide quality content and increase reader satisfaction. A dedicated and passionate writer, Elizabeth prides herself on creating high-quality content which provides readers with value, whilst helping to improve their lifestyles and everyday experiences. 

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