Have you ever known someone for so long that you forgot who they were?
I recently went on a date with this pretty cute 13 year old. Yeah I’m 38 but I couldn’t help myself. I’ve known this guy since he was born. I celebrated his birth with his family and I’ve watched him grow into this spectacular young man in what seems to be a blink of an eye. I’ve watched him take his first steps, witnessed his first bicycle ride, and yes – I was there when he scored his first goal. I’ve watched this boy morph into a man right before my eyes, yet I had lost sight of who he really was. He’s my son.
He’s my firstborn.
You know the guinea pig of the family.
Poor kid. All of his firsts were mine too.
WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS MOM THING IS SO BEYOND HARD?!?
As I looked into the eyes of the first little human to make my dream of being a mama a reality – it hit me… I don’t know you.
Sure, I fix his lunch for school every day, I wash his uniform for his soccer games, I even help him study his vocabulary (on a sidenote – I hated it 20 years ago and it’s even worse the second go round 😉 ) but I didn’t know him.
What makes him tick?
So you know what I did? For the first time in my life – I asked a guy on a date (my mom would be appalled!). All I had to do was say pizza and he was in! It wasn’t fancy. We just went to a little storefront pizza parlor in town. We sat across from each other and talked, we played a game of pool on our iPhones, and we didn’t rush through that hour. You know what I found out? Behind those green eyes is the soul of one of the most tender hearts I’ve ever been honored to know.
He’s not just my job. He’s my legacy. He’s my blessing. He’s MY son.
He’s the one that brought me that bouquet of weeds as a toddler that we proudly displayed on the kitchen bar.
He’s the one that collected everything from rocks to crumbled up papers.
He’s the one that insisted we find bugs that had died of “natural causes” for his 4th grade insect project.
He’s the one that stole my heart before his started beating.
I’m still fixing his lunch every day. I’m still digging cruddy socks out of his gym bag. And, Oh My Word, can someone please just make the vocabulary S.T.O.P. already!
But now, I’m doing it with my eyes wide open. With my heart wide open. You see, my clock is ticking. I know the day is quickly approaching when those green eyes will be staring across a table and some lucky girl will be seeing that tender heart. I’m just glad I get to be that lucky girl for now.