How I Got over my Fear of the Dark
I’m 38 years old and I’m afraid of the dark. It’s the not knowing, the unexpected that terrifies me. I’m old enough to know that there are no monsters hiding in my closet or dragons under my bed, but for some reason when the lights go out – apprehension starts to rise.
My mind begins to race. Recalculating my actions throughout the day – Did I handle my disobedient child right? Did I give my friend the right advice? Then the “what if’s begin… What if my eldest gets bullied tomorrow? What if my youngest forgets to look both ways before she heads into the school crosswalk? What if, what if, what if… the unknown. What if they need me and I’m not there…
The darkness gets thicker
The air thickens with the darkness.
Breathing becomes labored.
It’s still dark – but a still small voice whispers, almost inaudible –
“Do you trust me?”
Such a small word.
That same still small voice reminds me of others He’s called into the darkness.
“…Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was.”
God called Moses into a thick darkness. Why?
Darkness isn’t comfortable.
Darkness is scary.
Why would God create a thick darkness and then require Moses to come into the dark in order to find “the Light”?
Trust. – There’s that word again.
A simple realization that I am not enough. Not within myself – I can be though.
Sometimes God calls us into darkness so that we can see that we really don’t need to see.
We need to trust.
I need to trust.
I need to trust that even when I’m in the dark, He isn’t. He is the Light. As I follow His call into the darkness, as uncomfortable as that may be, He may choose to shine a light. He may not. As I follow Him, I realize the darkness is almost soothing. When I give my darkness to Him, sometimes He gives me something more prized than the light… He gives me more darkness.
He gives me a chance to trust.
Such a small word.